originally written september 2021
The more I meditate on what identity is and how we define our individual identity, the more I realize that we aren’t as unique as we like to think we are and so much of what we identify with is illusory.
living through the ego
The majority of people live life through their ego-based identity; completely disconnected from their true Self, or higher self, that transcends the physical plane. We think we are limited to identifying with our physical body, race, culture, sexuality, gender expression, sex appeal, job, social class + status, educational achievements or IQ score, the knowledge we’ve stored in our mind, the roles and duties we perform for others, being a fan of a specific sports team, or supporter of a specific political party. In reality, none of these things are truly YOU.
filters of identity
Through my personal studies, I’ve been able to observe identity through many different lenses. Appreciating that when we are born in this lifetime, we inherit the personality traits, trauma, fears, and memories of our elders and ancestors through blood, or more scientifically stated DNA and epigenetics.
When we are born, we are born into a state of ignorance and separation from our higher consciousness. Our knowledge, wisdom, skills, and talents from past lives become distant memories, allowing our minds to be programmed with values taught to us by our family and indoctrination experienced in educational systems and religious institutions.
Our psyche and personality are reshaped throughout life by our experiences and personal trauma. We begin to alter small aspects of ourselves in order to survive socially. We learn that we are supposed to have specific interests that socially align with our race, age, social class, or gender. We conform and suppress parts of our self.
My most eye-opening exploration of identity has been through studying astrology. I’m not talking about sun sign astrology and romantic compatibility. I’m speaking on my experience with learning how to understand the conscious + unconscious mind through astrology. Learning how to recognize the influence of celestial bodies in real life, the unconscious planetary influences we all act out.
A person’s natal chart is like a cosmic blueprint that allows you to witness the complex interplay of planets and celestial bodies, find more insight into parts of your personality that you may or may not express, get to the root of what may be limiting you from reaching your highest potential and causing conflict in interpersonal relationships, and so much more.
Personally, I reflect on the fact that in each lifetime we are born with an entirely different natal chart. We take on a different expression of personality, have different goals and lessons to work on. This serves the purpose of allowing us to gain new experiences on Earth while also subconsciously continuing deeper development on a soul level.
multiplicity of self
I can’t be a singular expression of myself
There’s too many parts, too many spaces
Too many manifestations, too many lines
Too many curves, too many troubles
Too many journeys, too many mountains
Too many rivers, so many
Can I Hold The Mic – Solange
The identity we express is only a small fraction of our true Self. It isn’t humanly possible to express your whole being within the short time span of one lifetime or as one person. I often struggle with accepting how complex my Self is. There exists a multitude of talents and interests, knowledge, and aspirations that I know are within me, but can’t all be expressed at once, or manifested within one lifetime. Especially not if you’re operating with the idea that we are meant to follow one narrow career path for our entire lifetime. I’m more of a non-traditional girl.
I think of how every few years I undergo a drastic change of personality, I shed many aspects of my identity, define new personal values and aspirations. My willingness to embrace a continuous journey of evolution seemingly finds me feeling more whole — or self-aware — than others.
At some point, I learned to no longer limit or define myself with one identity that I must actively maintain for comfort, validation, or social acceptance. It is a process of learning to surrender + willingness to grow and explore the unknown. It can be challenging to completely leave behind everything I once identified with as my identity and start all over again for the sake of self-transformation. But doing so has shown me how much of identity and individuality is illusory and performative.
fluidity of self
Your identity and personality are meant to change. As you grow on deeper levels, heal from trauma, and integrate the conscious and unconscious mind your interests and expression of self should change. Most people, for whatever reason, become stagnant at some point in life and continue to live out life from a particular identity that they have defined as their “self” or they have accepted and conformed to playing a role for the sake of pleasing others. I.e. defining your identity as being a devoted employee, a successful business owner, or an online persona.
When in reality there is much more depth to a person. It is unfortunate that most people lack awareness of how beautifully complex they are. So many hide, ignore or alter parts of themselves to meet the expectations of others.
sum of parts
In my own journey of self-actualization, I’ve come to the realization that it isn’t possible to fully embody my true Self on the physical plane. I had this idea that behind all the layers of identity that I wear there was a true Self waiting to be revealed and physically embodied. An identity that was completely unique to me as an individual.
However the more I worked towards ego integration, the more obvious it becomes to me that individuality is illusory — in the sense that we are all the expression of the same divinity. As social beings, we develop an ego identity that allows us to operate within a greater society. The ego isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it is a very necessary part of the psyche. I’m actively learning how to live life with a balanced ego, learning how to identify it as something that is not the entirety of Self. I acknowledge and accept my ego for what it is. An ego that helps me navigate this world and pursue personal goals with a sense of self. While doing the work to ensure that my actions are not solely self-serving.
We all deserve the experience of blossoming into our truest Self by journeying deeper into the journey of self-discovery. Question, who am I beyond my ego-identity? What do I truly want to experience in life?
keni sekhem 